My Pursuit of Happiness

          What if tomorrow never existed.  What if you are told that today is all the time you have left to live.  How would you live it?  Have you accomplished all that you would want to accomplish?  Have you seen what there is to see?  To experience all the new variations of food you want to try?  Read all the books you want to read?  Have you lived every moment to it's full potential?  Or have you just been biding time until there is no tomorrow left?  How would you live your last moments?      After stepping down from my previous job position, due to stress, I started pondering on what I have been doing with my life.  I have tried so hard to find contentment, happiness, fulfillment in what others wanted for me.  But, I couldn't find it in the ideas they wanted for me; being reasonable, stable, safe.  How can one grow from such limitations?  No, I won't be earn...

            Yesterday was the first time, in a long time, that I was able to take the moment and enjoy the beauty that surrounds me.  It was the first time that I was able to isolate the sounds in my head and the cacophony that creates our world, that we find ourselves consumed in on a daily basis, and separate them from the sounds of silence.  I found myself in a bird sanctuary/wildlife refuge.  At that time of day I was the only person there.  I walked through the wooded secluded areas watching a couple of deer frolicking in the distance.  I had sojourned at a wooden foot bridge overlaying a frozen pond.  My eyes were closed due to the brightness of the sun hitting the white snow.  But I just wanted to feel the warmth of the sun against my back.  I focused my whole attention to that comforting sensation and feeling so elated that I had finally taken myself out of my head, away fr...

          A feeling of strong, unbreakable chains that seem impossible to break.  A heaviness on my shoulders that keep on weighing me down into this quick sand.  I'm stuck.  Oh, how difficult it is to pick up one leg and then the other.  I'm sinking further and further into the unknown....this black whole.  There is no light.....no illumination of hope.  Just darkness.       When I wake up it is still dark.  "Help!" I yell out.  "Is anyone here?"  But no response.  Not even one murmur.  As I stumble around to find my way through this blackness, I come across a wall and then another, and another.  The air here is so stagnant.  My chest is heavy and in pain from lack of breathing.  I am running, feeling my way around just to find each door blocked, unable to open it to the other side.  Each stair case never ends, but is spiraling and spira...