My Pursuit of Happiness

               Life is a hurricane where you have been yanked out to sea.  You no longer can feel the floor of the ocean and trying to keep afloat while these tumultuous waves keep on crashing into you and over you.  The feeling of being lost and scared in the middle of the ocean is so terrifying and not being able to find safety to cling onto can send anyone into battle with anxiety and panic.  All I can say is ride the waves.  This, too, shall pass.  It most likely will pass like kidney stone.          This past week I have been experiencing those waves of panic, or anticipation of panic, starting to well up inside of me.  Being at work, I tried so hard not to allow my attack to show.  That would be so embarrassing and the people....what would they think or say?  They'd probably say, "Pull yourself together", say nothing at all, or call t...

               This past week has been, let's just say, extremely intense.  The highest level of intense that would make anyone, especially a highly sensitive introvert, lose their mind in the height of a panic attack  and call her former boss to beg for her old job back.  This week was over flowing with crying, anger, lack of sleep, and very vivid nightmares.  The panic attacks were so paralyzing.  I couldn't breathe, everything was too close, I, mentally and physically, couldn't find an escape route out of this fearful place that I have found myself more times than I wanted.  The nightmares were basically the same thing, which was an abstract perception of feeling trapped.      As I had briefly mentioned in my 3rd post of the year, The Person The Left Behind , my mom bodily functions are progressively deteriorating due to her Multiple System Atrophy .  Along with my ...