When You Need Help.

     Suicide is a quickly growing cancer that is spreading through out the younger generations and some middle aged people.  When these individuals experience some signs of suicide they don’t know what it is or how to address it.  Some of them might think of it as a punishment and don’t want to burden their family.  For those out there, you are not alone and you’re not a burden.  Your family loves you.  

    I have experienced suicidal ideations in the past because of my bipolar depression.  And each time have ended up in the hospital on suicide watch.  I’d be fine one moment and then the next would be fantasize killing myself.  I also would cut myself because I felt no pain.  I never really wanted to die but would dream about it.  I always felt that it was a thought that wasn’t mine.  I did feel guilty of bringing my family in on it.  I did feel like I was being punished for it…the way my family reacted.  They didn’t know how to deal.  I then learned how to talk myself into getting help.  “Daddy, I don’t feel well”, I would say, which would open up to a conversation.  And I was able to get these emotions off my chest.  I’m sure a family member or good friend would be able to give you time to talk, “I don’t feel well”.  

    Even if you might not have these people in your life, there are people that are willing to help.  There’s a suicide hotline, 988, where trained counselors are there to help you work through this difficult time of your life.  But if you feel life you might not make it through the night, dial 911 or go to your local emergency department and just tell them, “I’m afraid I might kill myself”.  Tell them that you have a plan.  You might think that the Behavioral Health Department is punishment as well but it’s for your own safety.  I had a plan of ODing on my prescription.  But four pills more than my prescribed dose wasn’t going to kill me.  But I still needed help and the Behavioral Health Department was going to give it to me.  Depending how many I say “I don’t feel well” with a plan, I either call 911 or my dad drives me to the hospital.  

    Now, the stay at the hospital is only a temporary fix.  The journey on getting well just that, a journey.  Think of it as walking toward the light to something greater.  Because living is such a truly grand part of your existence.  Before you are discharged from the hospital, the nurses will connect you with a psychiatrist who will work with you on getting you on the right medications and doses.  You’ll also be connected to a counselor.  Being able to talk to someone is truly important because by being able to do this you’ll be able to sift through all the negative thoughts and get back to the positive thoughts that are meant for you to thrive.  

    Remember, there is always hope.  Without hope none us would be living.