Dear Diary: It’s Time To Let Go

 Dear Diary,

    It’s that time of year where you look back and reflect on the year’s experiences, or in my case, a life time of experiences.  I ask myself, “What would be beneficial for me mentally, emotionally, to keep or to give up”.  So I sit and contemplate over the people I’ve met and the things I’ve done and I’ve made up my mind who or what to let go.  I don’t want to say ‘give up’ because I’m not necessarily giving up on anyone.  We just need time apart and if we end up back together then it’s met to be by God’s will.  

    I had a friend that I met almost nineteen years ago.  She was different, strong and weak at the same time.  She wasn’t afraid of anything.  But she acted unstable.  It was like she would go walking on the edge of a bridge not scared of falling.  I found this exciting.  We became instant friends.  But, I ended up being her only friend.  She would get into these deep depressions where she would threaten suicide and lock herself  in her apartment.  Her sister would call me to see if I could get her out.  I eventually did.  I saved her, oh so I thought.  When she got better, we went everywhere together such as go check out the bright Christmas lights or go to the bar for karaoke night.  She made me not afraid.  

    She was reckless.  She booked a one way flight to Lourdes, France, or follow her favorite rockstar around the country.  She had a love hate relationship with her father and mother.  Mostly her mother.  When they died it was like her family foundation came tumbling down and went falling deep into depression.  She was, and still is, afraid that her home, her security, was going away.  Well, recently the house that her parents raised five children in was sold.  A seventy year relic will be torn down.  But, Susan, the memories are immortal.  

    Right now, my dear friend, is close to a psychotic break.  She moved to a midwestern state attempting to start a new life.  Not that long before, she was diagnosed with stage IV cancer.  I’d be telling her that she needs come back home to be near her friends, go on disability so she can get insurance to get doctors to make her feel better and to monitor her illnesses.  But, she is in another state unable to comply to our

wishes.  

    Me, as her friend, am literally sick and tired with this refusal to get help.  I’ve done all I can.  I’m not going to give up.  But, it’s time to let go.  There will be two versions of her that will come back; her spirit or her body.  

Good bye, Susan.  Until we meet again.