My Pursuit of Happiness

      I stand before the cliff I jump beginning to make my last plans.  The pain is so great that no one can see or feel.  “Help me, kind sir!”  For I’m willing to take this illness public for someone to take notice.  I am not bluffing.  Down to the deep depths of depravity I fall.  Down to the dark abyss where no sunshine has ever dawned in a thousand years.  I’m still falling.  Standing in front of a jury that once were my peers.  I have sinned but not have been saved.     Falling into the deep bowels of Hell succumbed by evil.  The hissing, venomous, biting snakes swirling around the flaming inferno.  Here I am lost and lifeless.  Unable to start again.  My body sprawled out on a tree pinned three times two in the hands once in the feet.  My smile was forcibly spread wide pulling the skin from side to side.  Then I hung there.  Publicly hung there for the world and beyond to stare and throw boulders at.  “Here once stood the evil of all evils. Who chose death over life”.     But the

      For this, if you have bipolar disorder, you have to be extra careful that your steps heading to bedtime does not trigger an episode.  For example, try not to stare at your cellphone or computer or even your tv screen.  Do this an hour or two before getting ready for bed.  This is the time for you to wind down so you are rested enough for your rest.       Turn off or set aside any electric devises you have on hand.  At this time, you may want to fix yourself as cup of herbal tea.  I would recommend not having caffeine after 12pm.  Do a 10 minute meditation that corresponds to your breathing or muscle tension.       Then go to the kitchen and take your medication.  I also take hemp oil and melatonin gummies.  If you do this on a regular basis it really works and you feel refreshed.       Fix yourself a hot bath with lavender oil epsom salt and foaming bath.  Not only does this concentrate on the muscles but soothes the anxiety and helps you have a restful night’s sleep.       After

      Veganism has been around for many years but people still go after meat and milk cows dry until they can’t be milked ever again so then they are euthanized.  Pets are sent to breeders and, if cute enough, are bred, sometimes inbred by a close family member and charged almost 1000 dollars per puppy.  This is what is called a puppy mill.  If a dog can’t be bred anymore they are sent to a kill shelter along with the dogs nobody wants.  Then there is trophy hunting where elephants are killed for their tusks and lions for their hides.  The world is falling apart because of our choice we take with everything we do with the first thing we do in the morning to the last thing we do at night.  Choose wisely.  Choose electric, or solar, instead of gas/oil, grow your food, recycle, use compostable items, etc.       News update: People, now a days, are being pushed into veganism because of the rising cost of meat and dairy products.  Which is great!  It might take a while to get used to being

Dear Diary,           After trying to figure out what to write for this week’s blogpost, I came up with an idea that I would start a “Dear Diary” series.  So, here I go…In the fall of 2008 I was admitted into the hospital for the first time with, what the doctors’ called Schizo Affective Disorder.  Now, before that I had I had had some episodes, such as being afraid of people of authority always running away from them, thinking that they’re coming after me.  After that admission I ended up in another  hospital and was diagnosed with Major Depression Disorder and was given Zoloft.  After taking it I became overly energetic, especially in the warmer weather.  I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t sit still.  The longest I went without sleep was four days.  I would go to my father complaining that I couldn’t sleep.  I don’t know what he would’ve done.  I guess I just wanted someone to sit with me until I did fall asleep.  The periods of not being able to sleep were the loneliest I’ve ever experien

      I know it can be very difficult to stay calm especially when you’re working long and hard hours at work.  You have to make enough money to pay the rent bill or the water bill…But it is very important to take care of your mental health, not just your physical health, but your whole well being.  Down below is list that I put together to help you to live slowly and to stay zen. 1.  To stay zen you must stick to a routine.  Don’t think of a routine as a chore.  Be present with every task.  If you’re washing up as the end of the day, take pleasure cleaning your teeth, moisturizing your skin.    If you’re taking a bath, use products that have lavender in it such as, epsom salt and/or bubble bath.  Sit in the warm aromatic concoction and be still.   2.  Meditate.  I meditate twice a day.  The morning meditation is focusing on breathing and focusing on being present.  The evening meditation is a guided meditation that is about concentrating and focusing especially if the mind tends to wa

      The storm roared at the setting fire-red sky as the old man raced to find sanctuary.  Dripping wet, the old man took cover trying to start a fire to cause warmth for his icy bones.  Finally, heat has been created.  Pondering, what was the purpose of this storm for the old to blast off the young beauty?  Nobody knows.  The young beauty did die a beautiful death.  The black carnivorous went in to the kill making the sun setting beauty to disappear.  But even so…why murder such a young and innocent child who hasn’t made a mark on this world?       A roaring flash of lightening spread through out the sky lighting up the sky with burning fire.  The timpani sounded off dropping the thunderous bombs south on the ground like blitz ready to destroy everything and everyone in its path.  A bright flash and then a hard crash and ripped out the whole front yard only a couple feet away from the front door.       The old man was terrified of the conflagration almost stirring over head.  He then