My Pursuit of Happiness

  For millions of years living sentient beings have roamed this world thriving off the land that was created by a higher being.  Oceans filled with fish and other sea creatures. Land covered with trees, and plants being fruitful for a purpose of survival.  Tribes of human beings used the fruit of the land for food, clothes, shelter, and weapons.  As the population grew oceans started to become dead, the nutrients in the soil became depleted.  Greed and power took over stealing the richness from the earth and the freedom from people.     One freedom that was taken away was land, a foundation birth right for all Native people in America.  Chief Joseph, who was a powerful Nez Perce leader advocating for people's rights to stay on their homeland, fought to return his people back to Oregon's Wallowa Valley.  He led a guerrilla campaign of 300 warriors and 500 women and children.   U.S. troops pursued him across over 1300 miles.  Almost 40 miles to freedom, the Nez Perce peopl

            Yesterday was the first time, in a long time, that I was able to take the moment and enjoy the beauty that surrounds me.  It was the first time that I was able to isolate the sounds in my head and the cacophony that creates our world, that we find ourselves consumed in on a daily basis, and separate them from the sounds of silence.  I found myself in a bird sanctuary/wildlife refuge.  At that time of day I was the only person there.  I walked through the wooded secluded areas watching a couple of deer frolicking in the distance.  I had sojourned at a wooden foot bridge overlaying a frozen pond.  My eyes were closed due to the brightness of the sun hitting the white snow.  But I just wanted to feel the warmth of the sun against my back.  I focused my whole attention to that comforting sensation and feeling so elated that I had finally taken myself out of my head, away from that critical voice telling me what I should and should not do.  I continued to use my senses. 

               Life is a hurricane where you have been yanked out to sea.  You no longer can feel the floor of the ocean and trying to keep afloat while these tumultuous waves keep on crashing into you and over you.  The feeling of being lost and scared in the middle of the ocean is so terrifying and not being able to find safety to cling onto can send anyone into battle with anxiety and panic.  All I can say is ride the waves.  This, too, shall pass.  It most likely will pass like kidney stone.          This past week I have been experiencing those waves of panic, or anticipation of panic, starting to well up inside of me.  Being at work, I tried so hard not to allow my attack to show.  That would be so embarrassing and the people....what would they think or say?  They'd probably say, "Pull yourself together", say nothing at all, or call the people with the white coats to take me away.  Oh, if that had happened I think I would have wished to simply shrivel up and die