Posts

My Pursuit of Happiness: Treating My Depression

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Some might say I should not post about my mental illness on social media.  In fact, I have had people mention it.  The thing is I am not posting for attention or pity, or to reach out, but to educate and strike up a conversation.  I have a friend that planted a seed in my head about talking about my bipolar and depression and how I deal with it on a daily basis.  I just started posting Facebook Live videos on my personal page.  But, I might switch the security settings to public....I don't know....Please leave a comment on what you think.
            Right now I am still in the midst of my depression and still undergoing treatment.  I have been dealing with Bipolar and Bipolar Depression for the last 9 years and have been none compliant with medication NOT because I felt better BUT because the medication never worked and side effects were too unbearable.  There was a time two years ago that I ended up taking 15 pills a day and 6 different medications.  I've taken…

My Pursuit of Happiness - Hitting Rock Bottom with Bipolar Disorder

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It has been a long while since I have posted anything on this blog.  The reason for this is I had begun to lose touch of who I really was for I was trying to please people and not myself.  In order to reconstruct the image I want for my eyes only (and eventually for others) I had to hit rock bottom (which I did).  I have a secret that I have been hiding from others my whole adult life.  I have Bipolar Type 1 Disorder.
       Since the end of April I had been taking on a lot of projects at work, not only my own department but other departments.  When summer came, the pace of my work increased.  My co-workers noticed and decided to add more to my plate.  I did not stop them.  In fact, part of me craved that fast life.  On top of that I would be exercising by hiking/running 8 miles when ever I can without feeling tired.  After working a 9 hour day I would come home to talk incessantly for 3 more hours on several different topics.  My risky behaviors didn't get out of control, suc…

Dear Meat-Eaters

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Dear Meat-Eaters,
   The other day, as I was scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed, I found these 3 following memes and two of them I was tagged in:


These were sent to me by a supposed friend.  I know when he sees this post he's going to laugh, in a frustrated tone, and say, "Jeez! Can't you take a joke?!?".  Sorry, buddy.  When it comes to my welfare and the welfare of all sentient beings (that's including you) plus, the welfare of this planet I refuse to take this as a laughing matter.  You obviously don't care for you're still munching on that bloody, disgusting, rotting, dead piece of flesh you call a burger or steak.  You drink your dairy milk and eat your eggs not even conscious about how that "food" was even made possible for you to eat.  You eat your gummy bears and Jello and not once considered how the hell they were made.  (News flash!  It's not simply made from sugar!)  Believe it or not (whether you kill animals for food or not)…

Taking Back Womanhood: The Modern Feminist

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All throughout time women have been known as the weaker sex, too emotional or unstable to do anything, the object of someone's lustful desires, a man's slave, property in the man's world, a voiceless creature.  Such female icons as Queen Elizabeth I, Queen Victoria, Susan B. Anthony, Harriet Quimby (1st American female pilot), Amelia Earhart, Gloria Steinem, and even Viola Davis (Tony/Emmy/Oscar Award Winning Actress from my own home state of Rhode Island and alma mater Rhode Island College) had to fight and claw their way through the misogynistical demands of the man's world just to make their mark.  For the longest time women's thoughts, ideas, and contributions did not matter because of their gender.  Did you know that the Catharine Littlefield Greene, wife of American Revolutionary Major General Nathanael Greene, was co-inventor of the cotton gin with Eli Whitney?  Probably not because at that time all credit went to the man.  Women were just left in the s…

No Tomorrow? Creating a Bucket List For Today

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What if tomorrow never existed.  What if you are told that today is all the time you have left to live.  How would you live it?  Have you accomplished all that you would want to accomplish?  Have you seen what there is to see?  To experience all the new variations of food you want to try?  Read all the books you want to read?  Have you lived every moment to it's full potential?  Or have you just been biding time until there is no tomorrow left?  How would you live your last moments?
     After stepping down from my previous job position, due to stress, I started pondering on what I have been doing with my life.  I have tried so hard to find contentment, happiness, fulfillment in what others wanted for me.  But, I couldn't find it in the ideas they wanted for me; being reasonable, stable, safe.  How can one grow from such limitations?  No, I won't be earning as much of an income as I would have if I had stayed a fulltime retailer.  But by taking a risk and pursuing som…

Our Rights #LetFreedomRing

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For millions of years living sentient beings have roamed this world thriving off the land that was created by a higher being.  Oceans filled with fish and other sea creatures. Land covered with trees, and plants being fruitful for a purpose of survival.  Tribes of human beings used the fruit of the land for food, clothes, shelter, and weapons.  As the population grew oceans started to become dead, the nutrients in the soil became depleted.  Greed and power took over stealing the richness from the earth and the freedom from people. 

   One freedom that was taken away was land, a foundation birth right for all Native people in America.  Chief Joseph, who was a powerful Nez Perce leader advocating for people's rights to stay on their homeland, fought to return his people back to Oregon's Wallowa Valley.  He led a guerrilla campaign of 300 warriors and 500 women and children.   U.S. troops pursued him across over 1300 miles.  Almost 40 miles to freedom, the Nez Perce people fo…

It's time.....

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Yesterday was the first time, in a long time, that I was able to take the moment and enjoy the beauty that surrounds me.  It was the first time that I was able to isolate the sounds in my head and the cacophony that creates our world, that we find ourselves consumed in on a daily basis, and separate them from the sounds of silence.  I found myself in a bird sanctuary/wildlife refuge.  At that time of day I was the only person there.  I walked through the wooded secluded areas watching a couple of deer frolicking in the distance.  I had sojourned at a wooden foot bridge overlaying a frozen pond.  My eyes were closed due to the brightness of the sun hitting the white snow.  But I just wanted to feel the warmth of the sun against my back.  I focused my whole attention to that comforting sensation and feeling so elated that I had finally taken myself out of my head, away from that critical voice telling me what I should and should not do.  I continued to use my senses.  What did I feel…