My Pursuit of Happiness

The New Colossus Not like the brazen giant of Greek fame, With conquering limbs astride from land to land; Here at our sea-washed, sunset gates shall stand A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame Is the imprisoning lightning, and her name Mother of Exiles.  From her beacon-hand Glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command The air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame. "Keep, ancient lands, your stories pomp!" cries she With silent lips.  "Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, the tempest-tost to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door!" ~Emma Lazarus circa 1883            How angry I am to hear that this once great nation, a nation founded on freedom from oppression, is no longer obtainable because a "Man in The High Castle" is feeding his power off of the fear from the American people.  Why are people,

                 It was Friday January 20th.  I was on my lunch break at work just casually scrolling through my newsfeed on Facebook and enjoying a nice sandwich.  I noticed a live feed of the Presidential Inauguration from Fox News.  Number 44 (President Obama) and Vice President Biden were walking towards the double doors to the West Front of the U.S. Capital building.  They were respectfully saluted by a couple of soldiers.  The doors opened and they proceeded to walk down the stairs to join the former living presidents and their spouses.  President Obama, being kind as he is, welcomed the new first family.  Then trumpets and drums sounded their fanfare for all to hear.  Someone very important is about to be introduced for the first time to the American people.  At those same double doors that President Obama and Vice President Biden exited, this tall man with a bronzed face, squinted eyes, and pursed lips was being escorted down the stairs to be sworn in as the 45th President

          A feeling of strong, unbreakable chains that seem impossible to break.  A heaviness on my shoulders that keep on weighing me down into this quick sand.  I'm stuck.  Oh, how difficult it is to pick up one leg and then the other.  I'm sinking further and further into the unknown....this black whole.  There is no light.....no illumination of hope.  Just darkness.       When I wake up it is still dark.  "Help!" I yell out.  "Is anyone here?"  But no response.  Not even one murmur.  As I stumble around to find my way through this blackness, I come across a wall and then another, and another.  The air here is so stagnant.  My chest is heavy and in pain from lack of breathing.  I am running, feeling my way around just to find each door blocked, unable to open it to the other side.  Each stair case never ends, but is spiraling and spiraling out of control.  Never ending.  My throat hurts from the poor air quality and the screaming to be heard that is

               This past week has been, let's just say, extremely intense.  The highest level of intense that would make anyone, especially a highly sensitive introvert, lose their mind in the height of a panic attack  and call her former boss to beg for her old job back.  This week was over flowing with crying, anger, lack of sleep, and very vivid nightmares.  The panic attacks were so paralyzing.  I couldn't breathe, everything was too close, I, mentally and physically, couldn't find an escape route out of this fearful place that I have found myself more times than I wanted.  The nightmares were basically the same thing, which was an abstract perception of feeling trapped.      As I had briefly mentioned in my 3rd post of the year, The Person The Left Behind , my mom bodily functions are progressively deteriorating due to her Multiple System Atrophy .  Along with my dad, we help take care of my mom giving her anything she needs all in the comfort of her own home.  On

        "Take the first step in faith.  You don't have to see the whole staircase.  Just the first step". ~Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. "Imagination is everything.  It's a preview of life's coming attractions".  ~Albert Einstein "If you can dream it, you can do it". ~Walt Disney      As I had stated in my second post of this year, "Not All Who Wander Are Lost?", being in a typical 9-5 lifestyle isn't living but merely existing.  The only positive benefits, I see, that I get out of it is a steady paycheck, health insurance, and 401K.  This equals stability, right?  It might make my life a little bit more stable currently, but is it fulfilling?  You know, that feeling of living without regrets.....that you have experienced and done everything you wanted to do in a lifetime.  I am predicting that if I stay on this "stable" path for the next 33 years (retirement age) with all the physically taxing jobs that go int

                  I think I was in my teens when one night something stirred me from my slumber.  A cyclone of words came flooding in my mind whirling around.  I know I couldn't fall back to sleep.  I needed to empty my brain of the slew of alliterations.  So, I got out of bed and reached for any piece of paper and writing utensil that was in sight and the words just spilled out onto the sheet.  This is what flowed out: The Ocean's Curse I lay awake, with the covers pulled up tight, As I listen to the tranquil modulations of night. The wind rushes over me ripping the sheets from my figure, Allowing its arms to embrace me with vigor. Taking me to the vengeful ocean's shore, The wind tells me of the sea's ever forgotten tales off yore. Many a day, mortal creatures become victims of this malevolent ocean, Smothering their bodies in slow motion. But, the cunning waters looked so harmless and welcoming, That I was lured into the tempting waters without

        It was author, J.R.R. Tolkien, that said, "Not all who wander are lost".  But AM I lost?  When you go out in the garden and observe the bees sucking the sweet nectar from the flowers they tend to flit from one blossom to the next.  Then there is that one bee that is so satisfied with just one blossom because it is simply full of the juice that it needs to be completely content.  I am not that one bee.  I am the individual that wants to see everything and wants to be everything and wants to experience all of life's riches in one short life.                           "Why don't you settle down and do something with your life"?  People will ask.  I know I should have been doing this in my teen years or my early 20's.  I'm going to be 34 next week and still have not found my one blossom in which will make me fully content with the life I choose.  I'm always on a mission to find something more.....there has to be something more

                                                         Me pondering with my wild and curly hair. Me enjoying my nature aka my church. Me as a happy and goofy kid. My "twin" and me aka my Daddy. Me with my other "twin" aka my Mommie. Me From newborn to college graduate......       I know.  It has been a long while since I've ever posted a blog.....a really long while.  A lot has happened in the last 3 years.....well even further than that.....but I'm not all that comfortable posting as of yet. Right now isn't really about what has happened in the past but what is happening right NOW in the present.  It is January 1st, New Year's Day and a chance for new beginnings and improving our lives for the better.  We set these goals and challenges every year about getting a better job, making more money, travel, weight loss.  My goal for this year is to get to know me....the real me       All my life I've been arou