This, Too, Shall Pass......Like a Kidney Stone.....
This past week I have been experiencing those waves of panic, or anticipation of panic, starting to well up inside of me. Being at work, I tried so hard not to allow my attack to show. That would be so embarrassing and the people....what would they think or say? They'd probably say, "Pull yourself together", say nothing at all, or call the people with the white coats to take me away. Oh, if that had happened I think I would have wished to simply shrivel up and die. Then, other thoughts of my famous "fight or flight" coping mechanism started to take shape in my mind. The fear of failing at my job, the fear of not meeting the expectations that my boss has set up for me, the fear of not meeting the demands of my customers. How I so wanted to call my union rep and demand a transfer back to my old job.....to just escape this ongoing battle with anxiety....to seclude myself in my home and never leave.
My anxiety has become worse within the last month or so. I am the type of person who's energy level is depleted pretty quick and takes forever to recharge. Everything is too loud and bright for my nerves to handle. Sleep, peace, and quiet is what I need....and it seems like I can't get enough of it. My digestion is horrible. Trying to keep my breakfast down is near impossible. I live for the end of my shift, my vacations, and my one lone day off a week. That is the only thing pulling me out of this uncomfortable feeling.
This uncomfortable feeling shall pass. Once it passes, I can "plug" myself in and recharge and start a deep intensive treatment of self care. A few weeks ago I wrote a blog post, A Guide On How To Take Care Of Yourself When You Suffer From Anxiety and Depression, on some tips and tricks on taking care of yourself. I have used these tips and they have helped soothe my raw nerves, especially after they have been exposed to the bitter, overly bright, overly loud environment society has thrown them into. Some tips I use is have a cup of chamomile tea, read a good but mellow book (i.e. Lucy Maude Montgomery Anne of Green Gables series), listen to some calming music (i.e. classical music, soft classical jazz), take a soothing hot bubble bath with Dr. Teal's Foaming Bath - Sooth and Sleep....it's lavender!) By showing yourself love in every little way possible can make an impact in the long run. Remember to ride the waves. This, too, shall pass, even though it will pass like a kidney stone.