Dear Diary: Fear of Loss

 Dear Diary,

I write this today expressing fear of the loss of my dad.  He’s in the hospital and right now is in the operating room where they will perform a procedure to prepare him for an even bigger and more risky surgery with will take place tomorrow.  I was on the phone with him, before coming up to do this post, about what to expect if something happens.  I’m hoping and praying that nothing happens.  That he’ll come home all calm and sound for the rest of his days spent with his loved ones.  But I have to come to realize that living might not be the plan.  God might say it’s time come home and see my mom.  I have a picture of my mom sitting on the end table in the living room.  The recliner is right across from it.  And a couple times I look over at the picture thinking she moved or said something.  As God says, the end is nigh.  I have to prepare for this monumental end of an adventure.  My dad is tired…more exhausted.  He says he was put on this earth to care for my mom during her long disease and consequential demise.  And take care of me with my battle with mental illness.  But I now have to take the reigns of life and live through the thick and thin.  If he has to go to heaven please, God, let me know that he is with Mommie?


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