My Pursuit of Happiness: Treating My Depression

         


       




             Some might say I should not post about my mental illness on social media.  In fact, I have had people mention it.  The thing is I am not posting for attention or pity, or to reach out, but to educate and strike up a conversation.  I have a friend that planted a seed in my head about talking about my bipolar and depression and how I deal with it on a daily basis.  I just started posting Facebook Live videos on my personal page.  But, I might switch the security settings to public....I don't know....Please leave a comment on what you think.
            Right now I am still in the midst of my depression and still undergoing treatment.  I have been dealing with Bipolar and Bipolar Depression for the last 9 years and have been none compliant with medication NOT because I felt better BUT because the medication never worked and side effects were too unbearable.  There was a time two years ago that I ended up taking 15 pills a day and 6 different medications.  I've taken almost all the mood stabilizers such as, trilepil, Depakote, lithium, gabapentin, antipsychotics.  I can't take antidepressants because of my mania.  I got to a point that I was experiencing seizures and gotten up to 202 pounds without really trying. 
            Well, almost two weeks ago my depression became too much to bear that I attempted suicide.  Because of this and because the medication wasn't working I started ECT treatments.  ECT stands for Electro Convulsive Therapy, also know as shock therapy.  I go to the ambulatory surgical Center of Rhode Island Hospital and I'm in and out in no time.  I'm hooked up to an IV and they give me fluids.  When I'm in the room where the procedure is done I am given a muscle relaxant.  I am hooked up to a heart monitor.  Electrodes are placed on my head and I am given gas to put me to sleep.  While I am asleep, electrowaves ate sent through my brain stimulating that side of the brain causing me to have a small seizure.  The whole procedure lasts about 5 minutes plus 30 minutes of recovery. 
          I have been told that ECT should be left as the last resort.  But, people, this the last resort.  I've lived with it for 9 years.  Even though I've only had couple of treatments I have noticed an increase in my energy level and the tremor in my dominant hand has lessened a lot.  I have a long road ahead.  I have a month of steady treatment (3 treatments a week), partial hospitalization program for intensive therapy, etc
          I want to rise from the ashes like a phoenix, continue writing and just being me and doing me.  That's how I roll.  I want to tear down the stigma surrounding mental illness.  By writing and posting Facebook Live videos and opening up a dialogue....maybe

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