To Just Be.....


      A feeling of strong, unbreakable chains that seem impossible to break.  A heaviness on my shoulders that keep on weighing me down into this quick sand.  I'm stuck.  Oh, how difficult it is to pick up one leg and then the other.  I'm sinking further and further into the unknown....this black whole.  There is no illumination of hope.  Just darkness. 
     When I wake up it is still dark.  "Help!" I yell out.  "Is anyone here?"  But no response.  Not even one murmur.  As I stumble around to find my way through this blackness, I come across a wall and then another, and another.  The air here is so stagnant.  My chest is heavy and in pain from lack of breathing.  I am running, feeling my way around just to find each door blocked, unable to open it to the other side.  Each stair case never ends, but is spiraling and spiraling out of control.  Never ending.  My throat hurts from the poor air quality and the screaming to be heard that is not heard.  Unsuccessfully trying to reach out to people who's ears are deaf and voices mute.  "Doesn't anyone hear me?  Doesn't anyone know I exist?  Doesn't anyone care?"  I want out.....out of this mere sense of existence that people expect from me.  I'm exhausted.  I fall and I keep on falling..... until I wake up to find myself on my bedroom floor tremoring.
     Is this real?  This abstract perception of my fears of being trapped and alone where my voice is muffled in the ears of this real?  If I can't be and feel alive in the here and now I sure as hell don't want to exist in this alter reality that exists in my brain.  I abhor this feeling of repression, restrained, and restricted.  This ball and chain that has become attached to me by the life that has imprisoned me I simply just want to cut if off.
     I want to be able to breathe fill my lungs with new life.  I want to be able to see the sun rise and set.  I want my whole life to take flight.  To sore with no boundaries.  No borders.  To just be....



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